Because I said I would...

     Sadness is prevailing tonight...I made another HUGE mistake..I stepped on the scale. I know I already posted a blog about this but tonight, I'm suffering more because of this decision. I haven't stepped on the scale since November and for some reason, last Monday, I did. Then, after a week of working out and eating correctly, I stepped on it again and had gained 2 pounds. I know I wrote a whole blog about how "It's not about the weight" but still, it is something that I am dealing with. I wish I wasn't.

     I am so sad. I am mad at myself and extremely disappointed and disheartened. I know you have been there too. Trying so hard to improve something and then realizing all your hard work hasn't paid off at all. I know the big picture here. I am healthy and for that I am glad. But, it still doesn't take away the disappointment I feel tonight. Yesterday, I completed 9 months of being Vegan. 9 months of making better choices and changing my stars where my health is concerned. Still, I find myself sitting here, in my living room, so disappointed in myself and in my efforts. My main goal is to be healthy and I am well on my way. I have made new goals for myself to now, get into shape, however, for tonight, I am sad.

     I do not need encouragement. I am not about to fall off the wagon. I am still in it for the big picture. I just want you to know that I understand where you are. You are not alone and in turn, neither am I. In that, I find comfort. It's ok to be disappointed. It's ok to go through tough times. It's ok to take a dip into frustration. It's not ok to stay there. So, I am giving myself the rest of the night to be upset and wallow in my self pity. Tomorrow, however, I will wake up, get my kids up and ready for school. Make breakfast, pack lunches, take my child to school and return to my  home. I will put in my Kettle Bell video in and do it. Not because I know it will pay off. Not because I know I will be happy with the results. Not because I know I will be glad that I did. Nope. I will do it because last blog...I said I would.

     The next time you want to give up or throw in the towel on a promise you have made to yourself about your health, your money, your tone of voice to your spouse, your word choice when speaking to your children, just remember...you have to continue...not because you want to but because you said you would...

A Couple of Huge Mistakes...

Well, I have terrific news! Simply Terrific! I stepped on the scale this morning...keep in mind that I have been working out every day for the past 2 weeks. Alternating Pilates and Kettle Bell to maintain a good balance of strength training and cardio...I have also been concentrating hard on what I eat. I have cut way down on white flour and sugar. Ok...back to my original statement....I have terrific news! I stepped on the scale and received the great news that I have gained 2 pounds!

That's right! GAINED 2 POUNDS!!!! So exciting! I'm so glad that all my hard work is paying off! I'm so glad that the women on both of the videos kept telling me I was doing a good job and promised me that I would see results.

I am not jumping off the wagon so don't feel the need to tell me to keep going. I am keeping going. I was just reminded why it is that I don't get on the scale. Before the run in with the scale, I hadn't stepped on the scale since November... I was reminded why!

In all honesty, I am very glad that my journey has not been about weight... I have said it from the beginning, it's about health and I have and continue to achieve that.

On another note: Mainly because I'm done talking about the devastation that is every single run in with the scale.

Tonight, I was eating at On The Border, which is delicious, but just listen to this story: I ordered Olivia and Campbell a cheese enchilada with rice and I ordered myself an avocado enchilada with black beans and rice and no cheese. When the order came, the girls plates had cheese quesadillas. I pointed it out to the waitress and she apologized and quickly took our tray back to correct the order. When she brought the plates back, it was a cheese enchilada but they were covered in a spicy chili sauce. I told her that I would scrape off the chili sauce so she wouldn't have to take the tray back if she would bring back the cheese sauce that is supposed to go over the top. She did. So I was there scraping the chili sauce off the top of both enchilada's. After they were cleaned, I poured the correct sauce over the top. She then put my plate in front of me. The beans on my plate were refried and covered in cheese. 
I just couldn't send back one more thing so I just made sure I wasn't charged for the change in beans since I didn't get them and I pushed the beans and deadly cheese to the side of my plate. The waitress, God love her, was so sorry for all of the mix ups and I was sitting at the table wondering what in the world had just happened. Have you ever found yourself in one of those moments? Something so strange is happening to you and you are just sitting there wondering to yourself, "What is happening right now?" That was me... I couldn't believe what was going on. Everything that I had ordered was delivered to my table incorrectly prepared. Once again,  I found my self in one of those moments that's hard to explain to people. 

OK... Moving on...

Well, that was my day. First, the disappointment of the scale episode then the confusion of the dinner, yep, it was another day in my life. As usual, I have learned something from these moments...

Never step on the scale
And
Be careful what you order! 

The Last 24 Hours...

 

Ok. Here we go...Last night, we invited a couple of girls over to have dinner and family movie night with us. We ate dinner and then Mike and I went to our room to change into our PJ's before putting the kids down for bed and starting our movie with our girls. Just then, we heard a blood curling scream coming from the living room. The kind of scream that means that someone is really hurt. Not kinda hurt, really hurt. The scream happened to belong to my son.

We came out of the room running at full speed. He was hysterical. We took him to our room and tried to calm him down. It didn't work.

 

After about 10 minutes of screaming in pain telling us that his arm hurt, we made the decision to head in town the Express Care Clinic that I went to when I broke my hand back in Sept. With a screaming baby in my arms in the back seat and Mike at the wheel, we headed out to town. My baby was wrapped in a his train blanket and snuggled against me as I held him tight, praying the whole ride in for a miracle and for favor. We reached the clinic and after several minutes and a computer problem later, we were escorted to a room. We did X-Rays and my son was so brave. He was clearly in pain but was so tough. I was overcome with pride. The X Rays came back with no explanation of his pain.

 

So, the doctor decided to splint it to provide some relief, when he did, Carson started crying so hard that he decided to send us to the Hospital to get a better X Ray and the assistance of a radiologist. The doctor sent us out with a splint and no charge visit... Favor!

 

On to the ER we went. When we pulled up, I asked for favor again. I didn't want to be in the ER with a baby into the wee hours of the morning. Mike pulled up to the drive through and we walked in as he parked the car. When he walked in the front door, the guy who was the receptionist said, "Well hey Mike." It was a man who used to work with Mike on an ambulance in the Village. He walked up to Carson and asked if he was Mikes. He had Mike fill out a paper then I watched as he took Carson's file and placed in the front of the stack of files waiting to be seen... Favor!

After just a few minutes of waiting, we were called back to Triage where the man asked Carson what year he was born in... Yes... you read that correctly. After a few more questions like that, we were done and ready to be sent back out the waiting room. Instead, the receptionist came in the Triage room and took us directly back to a room.

Mike and Carson didn't even get seated on the bed when the Physicians Assistance walked into the room. "Well hey Mike". The PA was Mikes old supervisor when he worked on the ambulance... Favor! Within 2 minutes of being taken to a room, he had ordered our X Rays from the clinic and ordered 3 more. A nurse walked in with some Motrin for Carson (Finally). After 30 seconds of talking with her, we realize that she was the sister of a very good friend and Junior Director of our summer camp. We chatted like we were old friends.

 

Then came the waiting. Carson was sitting with Mike and the 2 of them began searching for cartoons for my baby to watch. The X Ray people came in and the water works began. He was screaming. They contorted him in so many ways... it was tragic. After about an hour, the Motrin kicked in and things were looking up.

Once again, the results came in, no broken bones. Still, very hard to believe with the amount of pain that our son was in. We loaded up and came home. He slept with me and Mike slept in the guest room. Everyone was doing ok until about 3:20, then he woke up very fussy. I gave him Motrin and when I went to move him, I realized that his Pull Up had leaked. All over the bed. All over him. So, I had to change him. Which, according to his crying was extremely painful. I put down a towel and laid him on top of it, changed his pull up and his shirt and then sang to him until 4:30. We went back to sleep.

My alarm went off at 6:20. I got up, showered, dressed, make up on and woke up the kids by 7:15. Both kids had a dentist appointment at 8:30 in town. When Carson woke up, he was in great spirits. No pain, nothing... just great. Back to his normal self. Still in his splint but very good spirits. So, I made the choice to keep the dentist appointment. This was his first trip to the dentist.

He was amazing! Even with a hurt arm!

They played movies above the examination tables and because we don't watch TV on the weekdays anymore, the kids loved it! I thought I might never get them to leave!

 

 

We did leave! It cost an arm and a leg because we are self pay and have a job and are functioning members of society. If were unemployed and lazy and let the government take care of us, it would have been free... this is what the lady behind the desk said to me! Not quite sure if this was supposed to bring me comfort or make me mad...I choose to focus on the good news...

No cavities.

 

Well, I didn't give the kids anything to eat before we left because I told them we would go through Chick Fil A on our way home. I know better than the put Carson in the car on an empty stomach. I paid for that decision. We drove through Chick Fil A but it was too late. On the way home, we threw up. So I pulled over and did what I could to clean him up. This was done in the sleet and snow because the weather turned bad while we were in the dentist office. It just kept getting worse. So, I was in the Burger King parking lot in the snow and sleet with a few Wet Ones, throw up all over my child with the splint on his arm... Are you freaking kidding me?

 

I got that situation as under control as I could. Drove Campbell straight to school, got her signed in and to her classroom. Then, got Carson home. I needed to give him a shower because of the throw up. So, I had to take off his splint. He literally screamed the entire shower. Good times.

 

Got him out, dried off, splint back on, in warm PJ's and tucked snuggly in the guest room with Toy Story 3. Just then, Mike walked in to drop off something at the house. My phone rang... it was the school, school was being called off because of the weather.

 

 

Ok. Great. So, I jumped in my car and went back to the school and picked up Campbell, my niece and nephew. Everyone came back to my house and had lunch and played for 2 hours. Carson was grateful for the company. He was clean and had his splint on so he was doing good. He then fell. He started screaming like it just happened.

 

After getting him calmed, I called his Pediatrician, who happens to be the smarted man I've ever met when it comes to the health of my children. He got the X Rays and told me that he would look at them and give me call back with his assessment of the situation. Obviously, my son was in pain. Something is wrong, we just didn't know what.

 

About 5, we got a call from our doctor who told us that he believed Carson had fractured his elbow. He went into detail as to why he thinks that and said that he wanted us to see an Ortho Doctor to get a better assessment. Finally, a direction!

 

I fed my sister, brother in law, niece and nephew, my husband, 2 kids and 3 girls from the college dinner. Cleaned it up, put CC in a shower. Got Carson in his PJ's. Teeth brushed, meds taken, read CC Snow White, said night time prayers and am now sitting in my chair watching the family movie with our 2 college girls that we were supposed to have watched...24 hours ago!

 

It's amazing what can happen in a 24 hour period. Here's to being a mom and taking 24 hours at a time...

Person In Progress

     I am pretty sure that I have already covered a few points that I'm going to make in this blog but bear with me... it all ties together...

     Every year, the first Sunday of the New Year, our church gets our theme for they. A direction, if you will. Such a smart concept if you ask me because if you do not know where you going, how will you ever get there? That being said, this years theme is Move On. Last years theme was Moving Forward... it is here that I would like to begin:

     Last year, it was time for me to Move Forward in my health. I was tired of making resolutions and promises to myself. I was disappointed in myself every New Years Eve when I was the same as the previous New Years Eve. Well, this year, I did it. I Moved Forward. I did what it took to get my health under control. If you have followed my blog at all, you know the journey I have been on during this past year. It hasn't all been easy but I've stayed on course and in March, I will reach my original destination. In other words, I feel as though I have this part conquered. Now, obviously, I can always do better. Chips are not technically an animal based product but they are not considered healthy either. Same with white flour, which is in bread, which I love so very much... So, there are always ways to improve my eating habits, but, as far as getting it under control, I am there.

     So when my dad began talking about Moving On, I started thinking about what that meant for me. For so long, I went around and around the "wishing I was eating better" mountain. I finally took a road and quit the Merry Go Round. Whereas I am thrilled with that choice and the progress I have made, I can't stop there. I must Move On. Although, I could ride the success of this past year for years to come, I still must Move on. The mountain that I have been going around and around is the exercise mountain. I have wished, for years, that I had a good work our routine. I have wanted to be someone who loves to work out and feels so good about it but no matter what I do, I don't. I don't love to work out. I don't love the way it makes me feel. I don't like being sore or tired. I don't have boundless energy because of it. Yep. I'm one of those people.

     Here we go. I have decided that even though I am thrilled with the results of last year, I must Move On. So, I am exercising. Yes. There is it. I am exercising. I have found this blog has become an accountability for me. If I put it out there, then I am more likely to do it. Last week, I began my routine. Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, I am doing a Kettle Bell work out, (which I loath). It does come Dr recommended so that is why I am doing that for my weight training. Well, the Kettle Bell leaves my muscles resembling jelly and in a lot of pain. I can't walk, I can't take a deep breath, I'm sweating from places that one shouldn't be sweating from. It's just not fun. In order to "take a break" from that horrible experience 3x a week, I thought it would be a much better idea to do Pilates on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's much more relaxing, much slower. It would be an easier work out to do. Well, I was mistaken... O yes! I did the first day of Pilates and actually thought I was going to perish. I felt muscles in my stomach I didn't know I had. The people on the video are so calm and peaceful. I was shaking. I looked like I was having a seizure trying to hold those positions. What's up with that? Needless to say, I have completed a week of Moving On and I am in so much pain, I can barely type this blog. Allow me to say this: Even though I hate exercising with a passion, I am glad that I am doing it. No, I guess that's not true... what I'm glad about is that I am on my way to taking a road I have never travelled. 

    Here is the lesson: No matter how good I am doing in one area, there are always other areas that require attention. Anyone can conquer a single area, what about the others that are in just as much need? I can either live off of a single success or I can add more to my list. No matter what I have conquered or what I choices I have made, I am always a Person In Progress.

    

Let's Just Talk About It Then...

     Well, today was "One of Those Days". Not in a bad way, in a Mom way. Let's start from the beginning, shall we? Carson goes to a Mother's Day Out on Tues and Thurs, which he LOVES! They follow the CMA schedule which works well for me. Campbell started school today and I just assumed that Carson would as well. Well, a gut feeling told me that I had better check just to make sure he was still going. I did check and alas, my fears were realized. His school doesn't start until Monday. Awesome. So, I have a son who is ready to go somewhere and see his friends stuck at home with me again, all day... and no Sissy. Well, there is young mother in our church who just had a baby the day after Christmas and she has a son who is Carson's age. So, I got the great idea to invite him over for a few hours today to play with Carson. It worked marvelously! The boys are besties and they play great together! We got out the train sets... ALL of them. We had a concert. We had snacks and Mac and Cheese. Really, it worked so well. Terrific Idea! UNTIL, it was time for Carson to go potty. He pooped in his panties 5 times today. That's right, 5 TIMES! It was so bad that I had to get wash clothes to get him cleaned. He had poop from his ankles to his back every single time, which means, that I had poop from my wrists to my collar bone, every single time.

     I was so mad. Not at him... but at the same time... at him. At myself, at the situation, at the fact that potty training is something that every mother has to do. Just mad... no, angry. Full on angry. Potty training steals my peace. Every single ounce of it. I have come to the realization that I can't do it. It's not that I'm bad at it and can get better, it's that I can not do it. Now, I am mature enough to recognize my strengths a weaknesses. There are lots of things I am good at. A few things I am very good at it... but potty training, not one of the things that I am actual capable of doing. It's frustrating. I just don't understand this at all! He had it. After the first day, he had it. It was going so well. Then a total reversion. Not just a slight backward step... a major about face! So, I after I had to stop making dinner to go wipe up his legs, his rear end, the toilet seat, his potty seat, his hand, his shirts and pants and my self from head to toe, I came to conclusion. I am going to put him in a pull up for the weekend and find my long lost love for my son. I cannot have the stealing my peace. I love my son, I always have. He has been the answer to all of my prayers and that has not changed just because of my inability to potty train his poor soul. Monday brings a new day. We will see what happens then.

   On to child number 1. Over Christmas break I was asking my Dad for some parenting advice with Campbell. She has always been a great child behavior wise. However, her development has been a bit of challenge. Now, don't get me wrong, she is a really smart child, she is doing very well in school but something has always been missing in her communication. So, I was asking my Dad about this and if there was anything that he thought we could do at home to help connect the dots. He promptly said that he thought she was watching too much TV. Ok. Great, that night, we took the TV out of her room and decided to enforce the "No TV on weeknights" rule. This is a rule that my parents enforced on my sister and I during our time in school. It worked well, I must say. We were straight A students, made honor roll, were popular and played sports. So, I thought he was on to something. The reason for TV, however, is that is babysits the kids so I don't have too. I know that sounds bad... horrible, in fact, but the TV is a great entertainer. I am willing to do whatever it takes to see if anything helps our girl. So, there was no cartoons this morning for her to wake up too, not movie after school or before bed... and guess what, she survived! I did too. She played, used her imagination, played with her brother, had a terrific afternoon. It wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be.

     There was another issue with her today. She got a colored pulled in school. A color pulled means that she did something bad at school. In her case, she disobeyed her teacher. (I know that her teacher, Mrs. Crystal, reads this blog so let's just go ahead and say a big "Hello" to her)...OK back to it...I support Crystal's decision 100% however, I know that CC was devastated! She cried, she wouldn't play, she took it very hard. She is very tender hearted. Most of the time, I just tell her I'm disappointed in her and she breaks in half and starts crying hysterically. When I picked her up from school today, she climbed into my arms and said, "Mommy, I have something bad to tell you." She then proceeded to tell me the event of the day. Her eyes were red, it was obvious that she had been crying ALL day. My heart was broken. I talked to her about disobedience. We talked about pleasing the Lord. We talked to her dad. We hugged and loved on her. Told her she could start over tomorrow. It was over. She bounced back and is looking forward to a much better day tomorrow.

     Anyway, that is this day. It was a busy parenting day. Good thing I started it off with my time in the word, my hot tea and a Kettle Bell work out... Yes I did! It is always nice to know that you are not the only one going through whatever it is that you are going through. Maybe our days were not exactly alike but everyone of us had our challenges. You aren't along, I'm not alone... to that I say, "Goodnight and thank God!"

Let's Start This Year...

Well, I have to say, I don't have much to blog about today because I started off the New Year doing absolutely nothing! Well, that's not entirely true. I did watch several episodes of Blue Bloods which was amazing!

I am looking forward to a great year and I am looking forward to blogging about every single moment. Thanks to all my readers and to all of those who find entertainment or even encouragement from what I type.

I pray that this next year brings you several wonderful moments. If you blog or not, find someone to share your moments with...

 

Here's to a great start to a great year... O yeah! And an updated blog design!