Rock Away...

I was folding clothes a couple of days ago, when I started thinking to myself, "If I wasn't folding these clothes, do you know how much I could be getting done?" I was saying this, to myself, while looking at the pile of dishes in the sink. Then, a few hours later, I started washing the dishes and found myself thinking, "If I wasn't doing these dishes, do you know how much I could be getting done?" This was being said while I was looking at the toys my kids left out on the living room floor. Then, a few hours later, I started picking up the toys in the living room and putting them away in their respective places and the thought came again, "If I was picking up these toys, do you have any idea how much I could be getting done?" This was said when I passed through the laundry room and saw my car oustide. I started thinking of how dirty the inside of it was.

The light bulb moment happened for me when I was rocking my son to sleep. I had "The Thought". "If I wasn't doing this, do you know how much I could be getting done..." Whoa! What was I saying? There is NOTIHNG I would rather do than rock my son to sleep. He won't be of the rocking age much longer and those are precious times for me. Looking back over my day, I noticed that I hadn't enjoyed one single task that I had accomplished. I had gotten alot done. I had done the dishes, folded and put away the laundry, picked up toys, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed the floors and made the beds but I had been so focused on the next thing that had to get done that I didn't find enjoyment in what I was doing at that moment.

I do work a little outside the home but for the most part, I am a full time, stay at home mom. My whole life revolves around dishes, laundry and cleaning. If I am unable to find enjoyment in those tasks that fill my days, then it stands to reason that I will have lived my life, not enjoying each day.

So, as I sat in the rocking chair rocking my son, I leaned down and kissed his forhead, wrapped him snuggly in his blanket, took a deep seat in the chair and began to rock away. This time, with a smile on my face as I looked down at his, praying with ever rock, that the Lord would seal this memory in my heart forever.

What a blessed one it was!

Join Me.... Won't You?

Today, I met with the students at Christian Ministries Academy about this years Christmas play. It was a great first day! The best feeling about the whole thing is that the play is written. I would like to say that the hard part is over but that is not the case. It was diffcult getting it from my head to paper but now, the challenge is getting from the paper into the kids heads... hummm... such a switch and yet involving the same parts....

This sums up most of my life. Just when I finish one task there is another one waiting to be started. It is so difficult for me to find enjoyment in the completion of one job before I feel the push to tackle the next. For those of you who suffer from the severe choloric personality type you understand what I'm saying. You are the type of person who stays awake at night thinking up new ideas, new way to make money and most of all, new ways to improve everything you have experienced earlier that day. We are the ultra controlling. The ridiculously perfect. I honestly haven't decided if this is good thing or a bad thing to tell you the truth. I am leaning more toward a bad thing... the major weakness of this type of personality is that I expect perfection in every area of my life and from every person in my life... the house has to be perfect ALL THE TIME! The kids have to be perfect. Every job I undertake must be done just right or not done at all. I find myself striving to acheive perfection and at the end of the day, when I stop to sit for a moment, I realize that, although I may have acheieved perfection, I don't remember any of it.

There was no laughter, no fun, no new memories made... it was just another day of working hard to make what's in my head a reality then moving on to the next challenge.

Light Bulb Moment

Life is what it is and it is meant to be enjoyed. What does it really matter if everything is done perfectly? Truth? It doesn't. It will all get done at some point... Does it really matter if the house is in perfect shape at all times? Nope... not at all. We live in this house and it is here for our enjoyment not to give me an ulcer.  Am I a bad parent if my kids aren't on the same level as other children their age? No way! Every child is different and develops a their own rate.

I choose to take a break from giving myself a nervous breakdown... Join Me.... won't you?

Race for The Cure

This weekend my sister and our 2 best friends, our aunt and 2 cousins and our grandmother went walking in the race for the cure! It was more empowering than anything I've ever done (other that give birth, of course). I will say this... Next year I will be more prepared. Everyone there was covered in pink! Pink feathered boas, hats and even hair. O yes! next year I will be one of them for sure!

It was a wonderful experience and I can't wait until next year. 

Another Happy Day

As I start the Monday of yet another week... I look back on the weekend and think to myself, "Weekend. What is that?" Honestly, when one becomes a mother, there is no weekend. The same chocolate milk that has to be poured on Saturday morning is the same chocolate milk that had to be poured on Tuesday morning. The same Strawberry Shortcake movie started before bed on Friday night is the same one that was started on Monday night. Diaper changes don't know there is a weekend. Bottles and baby food don't have a clue about a weekend. Laundry, dishes and sweeping don't celebrate the weekend by taking time off. O! NO! "So, when is the coveted "weekend" for a mom" I ask myself... "In about 20 years" echos the answer... Realizing my fate... I wish all of you a Happy Monday... for all of you Mom's...I wish all of you...just another Happy Day!

Blank Pages and Blinking Cursors...

     In some small way, writing this blog has become theraputic for me. I have to admit, I didn't really think that anyone was reading it. This thinking, however, has been somewhat altered these last few weeks. So, in a effort to continue to entertain my readers... which apparently I have... here is the latest saga from the crazy world of mom, wife, cook, cleaner, teacher and of course... writer...
     For some odd reason, last year, my brother in law David commissioned me to write the Christmas Play for Christian Ministries Academy. I told him no for 3, almost 4 months. Guess where that got me? Sitting at my computer in October writing a Christmas Play. I told him that I wouldn't do it again because it was alot of pressure and I didn't feel like it was the way I wanted to enter the most wonderful time of the year. Well, take one more guess at where that got me? YES! Sitting at my computer in October writing a Christmas Play. The challenge was tough last year but this year... I have an even bigger problem: THE STORY DIDN'T CHANGE! It didn't improve. There were no new characters added to it. It's the same story as last year and year before that and the year before that. Jesus' birth is what it is. The people. The places. The script!
     So, it has become my undertaking to try and write a new script to an old story. Hummmm. Want to know where this has left me?
     Sitting at my computer in October... staring at blank page and blinking cursor... I bet you are wondering how it will end...(Read Luke chpt 1) Hey! Maybe that could be the script... welcome everyone to the play. Tell them open their Bibles and read Luke chpt 1 then close in prayer.... THE END...

Thank God for Little Girls...

     All growing up, I always thought that I would be a mother of all boys. Ummm... first baby out was a girl... a suprise for sure and I have to say, it was a thought I had to get used to. I wasn't sure that I was going to be a great mother to a girl. Boys, I knew I could handle but a girl... I just wasn't that confident. After a lot of prayer, I knew that I had to trust the Lord to be the mother to a little girl. Once she was born, I fell more in love with her than I ever thought possible. Then, it was time to bring her home from the hospital. I did, and though I was still in love her, she became the most challenging thing I've ever done. Everything has been a challenge: The bottle, the baby food, the sleeping, the napping and now the potty training... Every stage of her life has been a learning experience for me. I have learned my strengths and weaknesses. I have learned that I'm great with cooking with her, making bows for her, making blankets for her and her dolls. I have learned that I have an unmeasurable amount of love for her.
     I have also learned several weaknesses. The biggest one I have is know ing that I don't have it all figured out. I am a very choloeric personality type. I have major control issues. I am extremely organized and planned. Usually, if I don't know how to do something, I just figure it out. I never stay NOT knowing how to do it. Then, she came along. I can honestly say... I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know how to raise her. I have tried for the last 3 1/2 years to figure it out and I still don't have clue. I have been potty training her for a year now.. that's right.. one year! Now, I read the book about how to potty train in a day! Cover to Cover. I have done everything my pediatrician has suggested to me down to the sticker chart on the wall. We've done balloons and presents. We have had so many M &M's that I'm sure this potty training venture will end up supporting our local dentist office. Still... we are EXACTLY where we started one year ago.
     I have said how difficult she is, I have said that I feel as though she is the thorn in my side with the whole failure to potty train. I have cried myself to sleep over this girl. I have screamed into the air outside on my back deck. I have had every emotion one can possibly have over the last 3 1/2 years.
     But when I step back and look at her life, I see very clearly that God was right... He knew I didn't know how to raise a daughter... that's exactly where he wanted me. Not knowing how and being left with the only option of trusting Him. My daughter is the reason I learned how to make bows. She is the reason I make blankets. She is the reason I bake cupcakes in the afternoon. She is why I get to go the park. She is why I get to buy pink shoes and Strawberry Shortcake toys. She is the reason I'm humbled and the reason I have learned to trust the Lord. Through it all, she is the reason for every good thing in my life. Most of all, she is the reason I have learned to rely on the Lord. I have NO idea what to do. I have no clue how to get her to use the potty. I have NO idea how to get her to eat vegetables and drink juice. I have NO idea. 
      There are so many of us who feel inadequate to handle the situation we currently find ourselves in. We know it's a God Thing but that isn't making it any easier. If that is you. If you are finding yourself feeling inadequate then I pray you are able to step back and like I do ever day, see that the impossible situation you are in is what is making you the best person you can be.
     And all I have say is this...Thank God for Little Girls!