When it is unexplainable

.    After going through an entire semester with kids who have been chronically sick, I have learned a few things... I have learned that it never gets easier. I have learned most of all, that there are times  you wish that someone could explain WHY this is happening or times that you would give ANYTHING to have an explianation to give to people when they comment on the health or lack thereof of your children. And of course when we start talking to people, we immediately start trying to come up with a reason to justify this place we are in:

"If it will just warm up, they will get well"
"If they will just keep growing, they will get well"
"It's because his tonsils aren't out and when they do come out, they will be well"

Or worse... other people start trying to tell us why they are sick or how to make them better!

"It's because you didn't vaccinate"
"It's because you did vaccinate"
"You should go to an organic diet"
"You should try Essential Oils"
"Have you done a cleanse on your 8 year old"
"It's the chemicals you use to clean your house"

Or my favorite...

"If it were my kid, I'd tell y'all what I would do..."

     Have kids who are chronically sick is SUPER FRUSTRATING and no one knows that better than I do. I appreciate the advice and try to over look the eye rolls or the bugged out eyes when word gets around that we are sick... AGAIN... No one would like an explaination more than I would, however; could the explaination be that they are kids and aren't done developing? Or possibly, that we live in a fallen world and sickness is around. Could it be that Satan is a liar and a cheat and a thief and he is out to destroy a family that is making a difference in our neck of the woods?

     I would like an explaination and solution more than anyone but that incinuates that their health is solely based on what I do or don't do and that isn't always the case. I don't have it all figured out but one thing I can be confident of tonight, I am a good mom. I have done essential oils, dairy free, protein shakes, vaccinate, changing cleaning solutions, vitamin regiments, raw vegetables, daily water and everything else a mother can possibly think of. I have changed their toothbrushes, washed their sheets, threw out their towels. I have sanitized this house surface to surface.

     Maybe it's not any of that. Maybe, just maybe, in spite of everything that I am doing to be the best mother of my children that I possibly can be, my kids currently have low immune systems. For whatever reason, they are catching everything that they come in contact with and right now, it doesn't matter what I do or don't do, this is something that is happening within their bodies and at some point, this season will be over. They will grow up. They will get stronger. There will come a time when they are well more than they are sick. Until that time comes, I will lay beside them, take the to the Dr, give them Motrin, keep a cold rag on their heads, stay on top of their meds, keep them on vitamins and pray every single day that the enemy release his hold on my kids health and claim the healing power of the blood of Jesus over their bodies.




   

What if I Believed It

So today is Mother's Day and in honor of Mothers Day, my sister and I have seen 2 movies this weekend! One late last night and one this afternoon after the Mother's Day celebrations. The one last a night is the one that has sparked this entry.

It was called, I Feel Pretty. It was a movie all about what we could accomplish if we felt like we were beautiful. Whatever our version of beautiful is. Skinny, smaller nose, better hair, smoother skin... whatever it was. So here my thoughts are now consumed with this thought. In the movie, the girl was shy and felt undeserving then she hit her head and began to see herself differently. She felt whatever her definition of beauty was. It was only then that she applied for that job she really wanted, gave her number to a guy she liked, joined the contests, made the friends... she became the best version of herself because she thought she could do anything all because she thought her looks had changed.

Why! Why is this so accurate? Why do our looks and how we feel about ourselves, as women, keep us from being the best version of ourselves? I started thinking about this in my own life and I am ashamed to admit, that I found myself wondering that same thing. I have a group of friends that I adore. We go to to lunch together. We go on vacation together. We have coffee. We talk about life, motherhood, careers, marriage, etc... They are an exceptional group of women. However, every single one of them is blonde and skinny! And very fashionable. In fact, one of them won a beauty pageant recently! In case you are unfamiliar with me... I am short, puggy and have dark hair that is graying at the roots. My nose is crooked on my face and is a tad bigger than I would like it to be. When we take a picture, I am the odd man out for sure! Now, I do think I am pretty but in my own way. I do not always feel as though I belong with that group of simple perfection. Before I go any farther, please understand that I love my friends and they do not feel like I don't belong with them at all! In fact, they would probably be mortified if they knew the thoughts in my head about this issue but the point I am trying to make is simple: what could I actually bring to the group if I felt like I belonged? What would my personality really be if I felt like I deserved to be their friend? Again, this has nothing to do with how they treat me but everything to do with how I see myself. What would happen if I saw myself differently? What would happen in my life if I walked into a room and thought every person there was thinking about how beautiful I was? What kind of impact would my life have if I walked in true, unashamed, uncompromising, unapologetic confidence?

Isn't this an interesting thought?  I think so many times, that we, as women, think we have a handle on our insecurity when actually, it is what is determining our marriage, our career, our advancement, our impact, our parenting! If we thought that our husbands looked at us and thought we were the most beautiful woman in the whole world, what would our marriage be? In case you are wondering, most of our husbands already do! We just don't believe it! Therein lies the problem.
What we believe about ourself is that everyone other woman is prettier that we are, looks better in a bathing suit, wears that dress better, has perfect hair or less wrinkles.  What we BELIEVE about ourself is that we are undeserving. Underserving of that promotion or that handsome man or that nice home.

What if, just what if, we changed what we believed about ourself? What if, we actually thought we deserved that promotion? How good would we be at our job if we believed that they were lucky to have us instead of believing that we had to prove ourselves every single day! We would start playing offense instead of defense! We would be on the offense side of our marriage instead of the defensive. We would be on the offiensive side of parenting instead of worrying that someone else could do it better. We would be on the offiensive side of our careers! Promoting, creating, inventing, growing!!! We would be on the offensive side of our friendships! Being funny, accepting lunch invites, answering those texts... Only on offense can you score goals!

Here is my challenge to you: believe that you are as amazing as you wish you were and you just might wake up and realize that you are already that amazing!

No More Sob Stories

Last night, I wrote a blog entry that was, basically, a sob story of my woes... My kid have been chronically sick with minor illnesses for about 5 months and it just got a little overwhelming to me. I don't know why. It just did. And for some reason, I felt it necessary to explain to the world why I am so frustrated with my current life situation. Then, I woke up to find out that one of my friends who had been fighting brain tumors, received her healing when she went to be with Jesus. She left behind 3 young children. Then, another close friend was in a car accident with his 4 children. He is in the hospital and in critical condition and his oldest daughter has a brain bleed and a fracture. And here I am... writing about the "troubles" I currently have... you know, the stomach bug! Of all things! The shortest sickness on the planet! And I'm complaining. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? My life is so put together compared to so many others this very evening. My children are with me and I am with them. I have had the honor of being there when my children have been sick. And I have the audacity to complain. Sometimes, I shock myself. I shock myself with my selfishness. I shock myself with my constant look inward. Take my current situation for example: I am sitting on my back deck, overlooking a beautiful ranch with my daughter playing on her phone right in front of me. It's a beautiful moment and I'll never again, take another precious moment for granted again. There is no need! No need to be so selfish! No need to focus only on the small trials I may face. I will forever, keep in mind those that would give anything to be careing for their sick children. Lord, help me! Help me be thankful! Help me be grateful for every single moment.

Life as I know It

     This has been, without a doubt, the most trying year of my kids health yet! They were sick as infants and toddlers but this... this is unbelievable. For whatever reason, they seem to catch EVERYTHING that passes them by... and just between you and me... I am really frustrated!

    Both of my children missed the very first full week of school in Sept due to an illness. Then it was November, then the last week before Christmas break. Then the first week back after break. Then the week before spring break. During the 6 weeks from Spring Break to the end of school, they have had, between the 2 of them, Strep, Shingles, UTI, Flu, Tonsilitis and the latest... the stomach bug. Sometimes, I stop and look at my life and just squint my eyes in disbelief. My home in sanitized and cleaned weekly. I have changed their toothbrushes after every illness. I wash sheets and towels and wash clothes on a daily basis. They take vitamins every single morning. They eat raw carrots and spinach and drink water! I have done everything I can possibly think of to keep sickness out of my home and away from my children and here we are, the very first day of summer and they are sick. Neither one of them got to finish their last week of school with their friends.

     I know that there are lots of people in this world going through much tougher things than this and I sure don't mean to sound non sympathetic about other people's hurts. On my last trip to the Dr, he tried to encourage me to stay positive and just accept things as they are. In a way, he is correct. Nothing can be done about any of this. They obviously have a some sort of gap in their immune systems but until they grow out of it, here we are.

     So, what do you do when life as you know it is not life as you wish it? The answer? Keep living, for it is the option.