Trying harder is not enough...

     Ahhhh, it's just a never ending, constant battle of ups and downs, disappointments and confusion. You may be thinking that I'm talking about parenting or even marriage but at this moment, it is the other struggle in my life...

     I have been eating Vegan, of course, upped my work out. I have started jogging. That's right, jogging! It's shocking. I am getting better at it every single day I do it. For some horrid reasoning, I stepped on the scale, again... much to my dismay, I have gained ANOTHER 3 lbs. What is with this!!!! So in the last 2 weeks, I have gained 6 lbs. So wonderful. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me.

     I have decided that it doesn't matter how hard I try, I always have to try harder. I am just one of those people that has to work hard at health. It just doesn't come easy for me. I am afraid that I will be like that for the rest of my life. Have no idea why it happens that way. Why some people can just cut out cokes and lose 25 pounds. While others cut out sugar and drop 6 dresses sizes. Come on! I can cut out everything but fruit smoothies, start jogging and gain 6 pounds! I know I'm not the only one. It just sometimes feels like that.

     Here is the frustration: I have never been healthier. Really, never in my life been healthier. What is going on inside my body, for some reason, won't translate to the outside of my body. I don't know why. I have talked to a few people and gotten some different opinions. One explanation is that even though I'm eating healthier, I am not eating what my blood type requires. Another explanation is that I have a food allergy to several different kinds of foods that is causing me to swell. I have had my thyroid tested and it is fine. Which is a catch 22 all in itself. I don't want a Thyroid problem because I don't want to be on medicine for the rest of my life, however, I would love and explanation.

     I am not about to fall off the wagon. I am still eating Vegan. I have had too many health results to not eat that way. Dairy is absolute poison in my system and to my sinus'. This is know for sure! I do have a resolve to work harder at my weight. No matter what, I am Moving On. I am not counting calories. Until I have time and money to visit a Nutritionist, I am doing the last thing that worked with my weight. Of course, counting calories the past 2 days, I realize how much I am eating. It's shocking really. I think I may have an overeating issue. I hate to admit that. I can have so many wonderful foods in the Vegan lifestyle but it is true, too much of anything is not good. Sometimes, it's just too much.

     I do not like to come clean with my struggles. It is embarrassing to admit that something is not working for me or that something is not going as planned, however, I do know that I am not alone in this. Weight loss and the quest for health is something that lots of people deal with on a meal by meal basis. No matter how disappointed you may find yourself, please don't give up. Make up your mind to do what it takes. It may never get easier. That is just something that you have to be ok with. Make up your mind to work at it, find the problems and make the necessary changes.

I have no idea when it will be, but one day, I will see the results I have worked so hard to achieve. We both will...

Senior Night and My Memories

So, tonight, we had the Senior Night at CMA. It is the last home basketball game of the season and all the seniors are honored. Their jersey is on display and they get taken out of the ball game one by one during the last few minutes. In between games, the parents of the seniors walk them out to center court and they sign a basketball which will be placed in the trophy case along side so many other signed basketballs. It was a very surreal moment for me as well as so many other parents. Of course, the reasoning was different for me than for them. Every time I step foot back in that gym, I am overwhelmed by the feelings that come rushing back to me.

The cheers of the crowds, the whistles of the referees, the double thumbs up from my dad and the peach roses I received from my mom the night of my last ball game. High school was such a great time in my life. The memories, the friendships, the ball games, the trips and of course, my husband. It is all fun with little to no responsibility. It is all so fresh in my mind. also. Like it just happened yesterday. I can still remember what I was wearing the night I signed that Senior Ball. It was a black dress with a single strand of a long silver necklace. I hadn't started dying my hair as frequently as I do now so it was still a really pretty brown color. It was hot rolled... yep... no straightener. In fact, they weren't popular until I graduated college. (Which is another blog entirely) When my coach called a time out and that sub came in a slapped my hand and I walked off that court for the last time, a chapter ended as fast as each tear flowed.

Walking off that court, I was excited about the life that was ahead of me and sad about the one I was leaving behind. I still remember every single emotion of that night.

Isn't is strange how close by those times are? As I sat there tonight, watching this group of Senior enjoy their night, it hit me that my senior night was 15 years ago. 15 years...Those memories are too fresh to be that far gone. As I was in the middle of that observation, a little hand walked up to mine and pulled at it. I looked down to see my son, my baby boy smiling at me. I leaned down and he said, "I love Mommy". Another wave of emotions overcame me.

15 years later and there I was, in that same gym, with the same man, watching the same tradition being carried out before my children's eyes. What a life! What an amazing, blessed life! How many people get to say that? Before I left, a mother of one of the seniors caught my arm and made mention of how those kids who were graduating tonight, were the ones sitting on the sidelines watching me sign that ball. More than likely, those kids children, will be sitting on the sidelines, watching my kids sign that ball...

 

My life has been an amazing one and I do not take it for granted. I am blessed by my past and the wonderful memories it holds. I am blessed by my present and the little hands intertwined with mine as we make our own memories and I am blessed by future because of what I know is ahead.

 

There is a quote by Edmund Burke that says, "Those who cannot remember their past are condemned to repeat it."

I hope he is right because what a great past it is...

 

I pray that with every day you add to your past, you are able to have the same hope!

 

#11

Hot Dogs and Tea Parties

     Well, it's been a while since I've blogged and I feel bad about that. The thing is, not much has happened... I am glad to report. Campbell's school was hit with sickness and she made it through, Praise God. Carson didn't go to school and somehow ended up with Bronchitis... don't ask me about that one. Mike's been gone with his parents in Houston. They have both had surgery. Bill had a bypass and Linda had her gallbladder taken out. He has been gone for the last 2 weeks. It's been strange. I am so used to him being here that when he isn't, it throws me all off. It's amazing how much help is actually is with the kids. Even when I don't think he pitches in at all... when he is gone, I notice how much he actually does help! Isn't this typical?

     He is back now and to celebrate, we had family night tonight. We moved the furniture out of the middle of the living room, put a blanket down, cooked hot dogs in the fire place and watched Madagascar 3. It was a good night with our kids. I know we are making memories that they will remember. Even if they don't, I know I will.


     Along those same lines: CC had her first tea party and sleep over with our kids church. She got all dressed up and we went to the tea party. Moms were invited to dinner... it was precious. She loved it and looked so beautiful.

 

It is true that some girls are just born to be princesses... well, that is my daughter for sure!!!

 

 

 

      My grandmother came to the tea party and Campbell and Olivia wore her pearls. It was so special to have her there. Another thing that I should note here is that Campbell does not like hot tea! This we learned at the tea party. I consider this to be tragic because I love hot tea. I have a cup every morning... She ended up drinking pink lemonade out of her tea cup. Which, made it all the more sweeter!

 

 

    I love making memories with my kids. I realize that long after they have left our home and are making memories with their own children, the memories I have made with them will become even more priceless than they are now.

 

     Even though life is busy, it costs money and it takes time, pause your life to make some memories of your own!