"Today will be the 5th consecutive day of health!" That was the thought going through my mind when my eyes opened this morning. I had today off. My house was clean, kids were going to be at school, it was going to be the day to dye my roots! The grey had been showing for some time now but I literally haven't had the time to take care of it. You parents will understand. Today was the day! I was going to have 8 hours while my kids were at school and the only thing that HAD to be done was the dying of the roots... Surely, Lord... Surely... 7:00 am rolled around and I crept into my kids room, turned off their fan and said the words that come from my lips every morning... Good morning my kids. My son looked outside and noticed that it was pitch black dark, due to the time change, and he immediately said, "You woke us up in the middle of the night?" My daughter immediately said, "Mommy, my tummy hurts." My heart sank through the floor! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! That was not in the cards for the day! Had her tummy not SEEN my roots! What was happening?!? So, I got her up thinking she would snap out of it. She didn't. Got my son feed, dressed and off to school then put my daughter back in bed.
What had I done to deserve this? Why was I being punished like this? I am a good person! The truth? It doesn't have anything to do with me... or her... She is a kid and that is what happens. She fell back asleep and I started begging God. Thankfully, she woke up about 30 minutes later ready to go. Took her to school an hour late and she was fine the rest of the day. After a visit with my mother, who was encouraged by my sister, it was decided that it was time to do something. Her belly has been a constant complaint for her for about 2 years. It's never crippling but it makes her not feel good frequently. There are several people in our family who have an intolerance to dairy so that is our first move. Take her off dairy and see if she can wake up, just one morning, feeling good.
So, AFTER I dyed my roots, I went to the health food store and stocked up on non dairy items. When she got home, we visited about what we were going to try for a while and she took it very well. She is a very disciplined person and I think she is willing to do anything to help herself feel better. There are many details that I am leaving out of this part of the story because those details don't matter. Here is the truth:
I did not handle her not feeling good very well at all. I was immediately upset. Not at her but at the situation. I became very bitter and defeated. I am not proud of how I handled it or how I felt about it. My desire is to be gracious with my children at all times. I want to be understanding and above all, patient. I never want to make them feel like their illness is an inconvenience to me. The truth is, I am all out. But I went to a women's conference this weekend and one of the speakers talked about what we find our identity in. For the longest time, I have found identity in the fact that my kids are well-behaved, fun to be with, disciplined, well-liked and healthy. But when any of those things are taken away, I feel lost and emptied. Where I find my identity must shift. It has to move from those tasks to the anointing to do those tasks. I am not identified by kids or by motherhood. My identity is in Christ and in Christ, I have patience that my identity as mother does not have. In Christ, I have the strength that, as a mother, I run out of. When we find ourselves, not in the reflection of our children's health, the cleanliness of our home or the success of our career, but in the anointing God has placed on our life to do each one of those things, we can operate in the freedom, patience, strength and wisdom that only God can supply.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
And all the Parents out there said.... "Amen".
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