I am writing
this blog post at the beginning of the 5th week that my children have
been sick. We started 5 weeks ago with my daughter getting braces. It was
tragic. She cried. I was so sad. She couldn’t eat anything. She had to wear
rubber bands and they put glue on her back teeth so her mouth couldn’t close.
She was in so much pain and I had no idea what to do to make it any better. I
told my mom, “We just need the next 3 days to pass”. I have been saying those
exact words for the last month. The first day she was able to eat something
real without it hurting her was a huge day. She was so proud that she could
chew and I was so relieved that she wasn’t going to be hungry anymore. I had
been going to down to her school at lunch to help her eat and had been planning
dinners around soft, Jell-O type foods. It was such a relief that this was
improving. That very night, I heard the door to her room shut and I went in to
see if everything was ok. She was laying in her bed crying telling me her belly
and head hurt. What is the first thing a mom does when awoken by a child in the
middle of the night? I went straight for her forehead. Sure enough, she was
running fever. So, into our room she goes. The next morning, we headed to the Dr.
Tested positive for strep. Excellent! A diagnosis and antibiotics. 3 days on
antibiotics and we will be 100% better, right? Nope! 3 days later, her fever was
higher than it ever was and she was way worse. So, back to the Dr. we went. She
still had strep but also the flu. Ok. Great. So, another 7 days of
fever and a very sick girl with a sore mouth, strep throat and the flu. O yeah,
and one tired mommy. Her first day without fever after a week and half and I was
positive we were nearing the end of the tunnel. Not so much… my son started
running fever. He had the flu. Perfect. So, there I was. Another week of
fever and a sick child. During this week, it was Valentine’s Day. My husband
and I always go out for Valentine’s Day but that wasn’t an option this year so
we cancelled our reservations and our company and my husband put on a great
Valentines dinner for the 3 of us. I didn’t wear any make up. Our kids were in
their pajamas and he was amazing. He bought Italian food, which is our favorite.
He had a beautiful table set, dinner music playing, salads and desserts to
choose from. He set up flowers and balloons. Even though I was running on empty
and looked exactly like it, it was the most memorable Valentines dinner we have
ever had. Once that was over and the next couple days passed, it seemed as
though we are over this mess. Everyone was good. We were able to start a new week, fresh
and healthy. O No! My son got the stomach bug. Which is my favorite. By this
time, we have hit the one month mark. I have washed my sons sheets once a day
for a month. Our bed has rotated children in and out of it for a month and I have
washed our sheets so many times, the threads are starting to go bare. I have
gone through 4 cans of Lysol and 2 containers of disinfectant wipes. We took
another trip to the Dr. to double check that he didn't have a relapse of the
flu and with a prescription for nausea medicine, we headed back home to wait it
out. Both kids went to school one day and I had to have procedure on my ears.
Nothing major but it did call for me being put under anesthesia, which, at this
time, I was really thankful for the break. Took the day and slept that off then
the next day went to a parenting conference, of all things, put on by our
church. Got home from it and was motivated to be a better parent. Both kids are
good. We were going to start this week healthy. Then I woke up at 3:00 am with
the stomach bug which my mom and husband think was brought on by exhaustion. I concur.
Had a very miserable day with that but at least my kids are well. If only that
were true. I was still recovering from my stomach thing when my daughter started
throwing up.
It is from my bed, with her beside me, having just thrown up all
over my sheets for the 2nd time, that I write this chapter.
My face
is tear stained, my husband in concerned, my daughter is throwing up, WHAT IS
HAPPENING? I called my mom just to say, “Campbell is throwing up.” There was
nothing after than but my tears and her saying, “Honey, I will pray. Don’t cry”.
At this point, there is nothing left to do but cry. I have no more energy. It
actually seems like I have nothing left to give. I just spent the day in bed
physically sick with exhaustion. And yet, I look over at my sleeping daughter,
knowing that, in about 30 minutes she will wake up crying and throwing up and
this will continue for the next several hours, the overwhelming thought hits
me, I can’t quit. I may feel like I have nothing left to give but there is a
sick little girl who is depending on me and whatever I have left will have to
be enough to get us both through this night. It does help that I have an
amazing husband who offered, more than once, to stay with her so I could rest
and before we even came out of the bathroom from this last trip, he had the
sheets off the bed and the laundry started. But when it comes down to it, I am
The Mom and this is my job.
This
calling of motherhood is harder than anything else in the world. It demands of
you in a way that nothing else could. It pulls from every fiber of your being.
It requires everything you have 100% of the time. Motherhood doesn’t care if
you are sick, if you have slept, if you have eaten or showered. Motherhood pays
no attention to the gym membership you haven’t been able to use in 6 months or
the pile of laundry that is left undone. It doesn’t operate within business
hours or acknowledge holidays. Motherhood doesn’t give you bonus or raises. It
still finds a way to keep drawing from you even when your tank is empty.
Motherhood isn’t a time of day or clock in and out position. Motherhood just…
is. It is a state of being. Being a Mother isn’t something we do, implying that
we can choose not to do it. Being is Mother, is someone we are. I know this won’t
be my forever. My children will get better. My house will be cleaned. I will
wear make-up once again. The windows will be open exchanging the air that is
circling throughout my house. There will be better times ahead. I have no idea
when that will be or why it is taking so long to find me. All things
considered, I have a husband who loves me and children who need me. I am
blessed woman.
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