And all the Parent's out there said... "Amen"

     "Today will be the 5th consecutive day of health!" That was the thought going through my mind when my eyes opened this morning.  I had today off. My house was clean, kids were going to be at school, it was going to be the day to dye my roots! The grey had been showing for some time now but I literally haven't had the time to take care of it. You parents will understand. Today was the day! I was going to have 8 hours while my kids were at school and the only thing that HAD to be done was the dying of the roots... Surely, Lord... Surely... 7:00 am rolled around and I crept into my kids room, turned off their fan and said the words that come from my lips every morning... Good morning my kids. My son looked outside and noticed that it was pitch black dark, due to the time change, and he immediately said, "You woke us up in the middle of the night?" My daughter immediately said, "Mommy, my tummy hurts." My heart sank through the floor! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! That was not in the cards for the day! Had her tummy not SEEN my roots! What was happening?!? So, I got her up thinking she would snap out of it. She didn't. Got my son feed, dressed and off to school then put my daughter back in bed.

     What had I done to deserve this? Why was I being punished like this? I am a good person! The truth? It doesn't have anything to do with me... or her... She is a kid and that is what happens. She fell back asleep and I started begging God. Thankfully, she woke up about 30 minutes later ready to go. Took her to school an hour late and she was fine the rest of the day. After a visit with my mother, who was encouraged by my sister, it was decided that it was time to do something. Her belly has been a constant complaint for her for about 2 years. It's never crippling but it makes her not feel good frequently. There are several people in our family who have an intolerance to dairy so that is our first move. Take her off dairy and see if she can wake up, just one morning, feeling good.

     So, AFTER I dyed my roots, I went to the health food store and stocked up on non dairy items. When she got home, we visited about what we were going to try for a while and she took it very well. She is a very disciplined person and I think she is willing to do anything to help herself feel better. There are many details that I am leaving out of this part of the story because those details don't matter. Here is the truth:

     I did not handle her not feeling good very well at all. I was immediately upset. Not at her but at the situation. I became very bitter and defeated. I am not proud of how I handled it or how I felt about it. My desire is to be gracious with my children at all times. I want to be understanding and above all, patient. I never want to make them feel like their illness is an inconvenience to me. The truth is, I am all out. But I went to a women's conference this weekend and one of the speakers talked about what we find our identity in. For the longest time, I have found identity in the fact that my kids are well-behaved, fun to be with, disciplined, well-liked and healthy. But when any of those things are taken away, I feel lost and emptied. Where I find my identity must shift. It has to move from those tasks to the anointing to do those tasks. I am not identified by kids or by motherhood. My identity is in Christ and in Christ, I have patience that my identity as mother does not have. In Christ, I have the strength that, as a mother, I run out of. When we find ourselves, not in the reflection of our children's health, the cleanliness of our home or the success of our career, but in the anointing God has placed on our life to do each one of those things, we can operate in the freedom, patience, strength and wisdom that only God can supply.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

     And all the Parents out there said.... "Amen".

Days like these...

                I am writing this blog post at the beginning of the 5^th week that my children have been sick. We started 5 weeks ago with my daughter getting braces. It was tragic. She cried. I was so sad. She couldn’t eat anything. She had to wear rubber bands and they put glue on her back teeth so her mouth couldn’t close. She was in so much pain and I had no idea what to do to make it any better. I told my mom, “We just need the next 3 days to pass”. I have been saying those exact words for the last month. The first day she was able to eat something real without it hurting her was a huge day. She was so proud that she could chew and I was so relieved that she wasn’t going to be hungry anymore. I had been going to down to her school at lunch to help her eat and had been planning dinners around soft, Jell-O type foods. It was such a relief that this was improving. That very night, I heard the door to her room shut and I went in to see if everything was ok. She was laying in her bed crying telling me her belly and head hurt. What is the first thing a mom does when awoken by a child in the middle of the night? I went straight for her forehead. Sure enough, she was running fever. So, into our room she goes. The next morning, we headed to the Dr. Tested positive for strep. Excellent! A diagnosis and antibiotics. 3 days on antibiotics and we will be 100% better, right? Nope! 3 days later, her fever was higher than it ever was and she was way worse. So, back to the Dr. we went. She still had strep but also the flu. Ok. Great. So, another 7 days of fever and a very sick girl with a sore mouth, strep throat and the flu. O yeah, and one tired mommy. Her first day without fever after a week and half and I was positive we were nearing the end of the tunnel. Not so much… my son started running fever. He had the flu. Perfect. So, there I was. Another week of fever and a sick child. During this week, it was Valentine’s Day. My husband and I always go out for Valentine’s Day but that wasn’t an option this year so we cancelled our reservations and our company and my husband put on a great Valentines dinner for the 3 of us. I didn’t wear any make up. Our kids were in their pajamas and he was amazing. He bought Italian food, which is our favorite. He had a beautiful table set, dinner music playing, salads and desserts to choose from. He set up flowers and balloons. Even though I was running on empty and looked exactly like it, it was the most memorable Valentines dinner we have ever had. Once that was over and the next couple days passed, it seemed as though we are over this mess. Everyone was good. We were able to start a new week, fresh and healthy. O No! My son got the stomach bug. Which is my favorite. By this time, we have hit the one month mark. I have washed my sons sheets once a day for a month. Our bed has rotated children in and out of it for a month and I have washed our sheets so many times, the threads are starting to go bare. I have gone through 4 cans of Lysol and 2 containers of disinfectant wipes. We took another trip to the Dr. to double check that he didn't have a relapse of the flu and with a prescription for nausea medicine, we headed back home to wait it out. Both kids went to school one day and I had to have procedure on my ears. Nothing major but it did call for me being put under anesthesia, which, at this time, I was really thankful for the break. Took the day and slept that off then the next day went to a parenting conference, of all things, put on by our church. Got home from it and was motivated to be a better parent. Both kids are good. We were going to start this week healthy. Then I woke up at 3:00 am with the stomach bug which my mom and husband think was brought on by exhaustion. I concur. Had a very miserable day with that but at least my kids are well. If only that were true. I was still recovering from my stomach thing when my daughter started throwing up.

     It is from my bed, with her beside me, having just thrown up all over my sheets for the 2^nd time, that I write this chapter.

                My face is tear stained, my husband in concerned, my daughter is throwing up, WHAT IS HAPPENING? I called my mom just to say, “Campbell is throwing up.” There was nothing after than but my tears and her saying, “Honey, I will pray. Don’t cry”. At this point, there is nothing left to do but cry. I have no more energy. It actually seems like I have nothing left to give. I just spent the day in bed physically sick with exhaustion. And yet, I look over at my sleeping daughter, knowing that, in about 30 minutes she will wake up crying and throwing up and this will continue for the next several hours, the overwhelming thought hits me, I can’t quit. I may feel like I have nothing left to give but there is a sick little girl who is depending on me and whatever I have left will have to be enough to get us both through this night. It does help that I have an amazing husband who offered, more than once, to stay with her so I could rest and before we even came out of the bathroom from this last trip, he had the sheets off the bed and the laundry started. But when it comes down to it, I am The Mom and this is my job.

                This calling of motherhood is harder than anything else in the world. It demands of you in a way that nothing else could. It pulls from every fiber of your being. It requires everything you have 100% of the time. Motherhood doesn’t care if you are sick, if you have slept, if you have eaten or showered. Motherhood pays no attention to the gym membership you haven’t been able to use in 6 months or the pile of laundry that is left undone. It doesn’t operate within business hours or acknowledge holidays. Motherhood doesn’t give you bonus or raises. It still finds a way to keep drawing from you even when your tank is empty. Motherhood isn’t a time of day or clock in and out position. Motherhood just… is. It is a state of being. Being a Mother isn’t something we do, implying that we can choose not to do it. Being is Mother, is someone we are. I know this won’t be my forever. My children will get better. My house will be cleaned. I will wear make-up once again. The windows will be open exchanging the air that is circling throughout my house. There will be better times ahead. I have no idea when that will be or why it is taking so long to find me. All things considered, I have a husband who loves me and children who need me. I am blessed woman.